Your silence is deadly to me.

Your silence..
It's like a bullet driving through my mind.
So cold and painful.
What used to be so open and comforting, is now deadly.
We used to talk, like best friends
Now you just sit, staring out like the world has ended in front of your eyes.
Everything used to matter yet you don't seem to show its effects
I can't tell if you are here or somewhere beyond the horizon...
It's scary to see your soul leave this world and glide somewhere it would much rather be.
I watch you as your lifeless body does what it has always done, while the light behind your gaze slowly dies out.
It becomes engulfed in the blackness of your mind.
Your body becomes spiritless but the only thing your mind shows is worry and sadly.
When you pass by, you're like an ora i just can't feel.

What was once such happiness, is now sorrow.
What we had was something nobody else could feel.
You were something nobody has ever seen.
People looked and pointed
It was perfect to me.
Now, I'm just walking alone
With your lifeless body, that nobody even notices

I want it all back...
Every part of what was.
When I think about it, pieces gently disappear.
I need it




What happened to my father?

My heart is so confused..

Everything happens for a reason, right?
But this thing didn't have a real meaning.
You went and did it because life got hard.
And it isn't going to always be easy.
Hard decisions come and when they do, the best thing to do is to take time thinking about what the out come will bring.
But you, well you didn't think anything through.
You ran and hid...Thinking everything would fix itself.
But baby, it wont.
And when you said those words, my heart sank.
Tears fell and my mind went dead.
After the first time, i took my precautions.
I locked away the thing that you hurt the most.
And now, whatever we are, its like I'm being tied up and drug along.
Can you dump me somewhere I can be cared for?
Somewhere to heal these broken feelings.
You crushed my heart, soul and future.
I opened up and fell in love because you made it possible to believe it.
The future seemed so certain and possible.
I want it back.
I want us back.
I want my life back.
I want my self back.
Back to the way it was when we fell in love.
Back to our first kiss and how everything was.
I never wanted it to be this way and I know now it isn't my fault.
You ran from me and now my heart is running from you.
And as the days pass as you don't talk to me, it gets farther and farther away.
Your voice brings it back.
Your touch holds it still.
Your love brings it closer and closer to you....
I just want what we used to be...
With everything so calm and with our love in the air.....
Don't let me go, I don't want to be that without you.

The Fire, It Roars

I don't know what's wrong with me recently.
The past floods my mind like a sea, and as the waves come crashing over me i dread that aftermath...
It's like I'm living two different lives, but they're secluded in my head...
They only rarely come out to have a look at what I really should be worried about.
I think they're trying to break me down.
Burn me.
Letting the ashes fly in the air.
As they land on others and slowly spread like wild fire.
But, the thing is, nobody is close enough to catch the sparks.
And as I'm set aflame, I dance around trying to put it out and everyone runs in opposite directions.
No help is given.
No water on my flames.
Just the breeze that catches the flames and sets me aroaring more.
The bigger the flame, the more I can't here myself think.
I'm sorting it all out but as i do that more things come into my head.
Like as soon as i clear out one patch of the fire, another reason attaches itself and catches.
I just want to jump in a pool of water and let it die.
but if i do that, so do i.
I just have no idea how to let the flame die without it taking me with it.
Somebody help me.

~KristyLeigh

Am I Crazy?

Am I crazy for these thoughts that flood my mind recently?
Is it wrong to think these thoughts?
I want them to bury themselves so i don't have to beat myself over them.
Every detail is still so perfect in my mind. 
I can't stop them and i feel like it will never stop. 
Clarity isn't a problem, god knows it isnt, I just want it all to stop.
You left me and yet, you haunt me. 
I find myself dreaming of you like you are always on my mind, but honestly, i never really think of you. 
Can you just leave me alone? 
Delete yourself from my memory, or is that too much to ask?!
I feel so calm without you in my mind, i have someone else that wants it all to him-self, but blind to the thoughts of you that run around my mind.
I just want it to stop, buffer and cancel. 
Sometimes, I let myself go too far with it, feeling all the emotions that came with the memories.
The feelings themselves create shivers that run up and down my spine, my eyes close and the images play back behind my eyes picture by picture. 
Clips that don't stop til my eyes re-open. 
But what i really want to know is, does this happen to you?
Does my face appear in your dreams, and with the sight, shake you and make you gasp for air as you wake out of a deep sleep?
Does the emotions we felt no so long ago kill you as they feel more real by the second with the memories?
Can't you just say Hello?
Message me, text me, or just call. 
Just to say hello, i miss you, or I remember when.......?
Please just remember me when things are tough and you have nobody to talk to and only my voice talks to you in your head....
Sincerely,
Your Summer Love

Tonight was real.....

I thought it was just a dream.
Something that could be this perfect couldn't happen to me.
I feel like the world may be giving me a break! 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We meet online....stupid but it was the best decision ever now.
We realized we were perfect for each other but as soon as things started to get good you left.
Sailed a ship that fled across the states.
I was determined that we would make it but the path was becoming over grown and obstacles were growing in the way.
I was scared and we've split in two many times.
But, we realized we were meant for each other.
Nothing in this world could keep us apart.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I wanted since November to see you and tonight it has finally happened!
I could never be so happy with my life.
I love you William.
Our little family is what I have been living for.
Waiting for you and I to become one again was worth all the time it took.
I just wish tonight didn't end.
I just wish there was more to remember and more to see.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am in love with you and only you baby.


With Love,
Kristy and William Lee Holt

After Tonight

I don't know what to think right now. The other night is stuck in my head. Crashing against the walls of my skull. My heart was beating like a hammer on a nail head. It was the most happiness I have EVER felt in my whole life. I have spent now 5 years trying to show you I can give you so much more than anyone in this city, state, country and world could give you. I have been trying and the only thing I can think of was sunday night. It was perfect. My heart was beating against yours and it just felt so right and I know you saw it in my eyes. It's there everytime you touch me. Even just my hand around your arm riding in the car i felt complete.
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Everytime I realized you saw that I could be the best you ever could have you turn around and wrap your arm around anothers shoulder. Like youre afraid of happiness. You long for the heart break and I have been there every time a girl broke your heart. You have been there for me also.
I have never regret you and if you do, i dont know what I'll do. I cant help what I feel and this feeling will never go. It's like another scare on my pathetic little wrist.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sometimes, I wish i could forget all about this world that I have made up based around you. It kills me knowing that it will always swim around in my mind and never find its way out to the open ocean of the real world.
If you leave, there really isnt any reason to go on. I just dont want a world without that love i see in your eyes and in the words you say..
Maybe its just me begging for you to say theses things and you give them, and its probably true....
I just wish we can see past it...............................




With love,
Kristy Phillips

Change....

Change, something most people dread in their lives. Change can be good, like a house move, a new job a brand new friend....but sometimes the worst kind of change is with your heart. Spending so much time putting so much effort into one person just to have them end up not caring or feeling the same. All the effort and time and emotion that one did, suddenly seems like nothing in matter of seconds.
Its because of time that we all have this happen to us. Time can either tear something apart or strengthen the threads of the bond and love.
And when you get sad, people say "cry it out, it'll make you feel better" I just look at them and respond how could letting tears escape my eyes and roll down my cheeks making it hard to breathe and think make what has happened any better?
And I can promise you, it doesn't.
It makes you think of why you are where you are now, pouring tears onto the surface below your chin just because you trusted someone that wasn't worth it, yet lied and didn't look back twice when the time came to pack up and go....
Love is such a silly thing <3