I don't really seem to care about loving or being oved. Seems like every guy I can or do get is either suicidal, or wants to hang all over me. I don't mind it, I just don't like the thought of talking to a guy for the whole day then every twenty minutes get a text that says "what you wanna talk about?".......Grinds my bones to hear those retarded words. And then you wonder why I stop texting you. If I don't talk or message back...It's because I want to relax an not have someone up my ass. It's like I'm better off alone yet I have that feeling lie I have nobody to be loved by. nobody to tell me they love me before I fall asleep. Just to wake up as I fell asleep. I just want someone to care. To worry some about me. About my future.
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I think i'm also starting to hate my own mother. My own sweet melody to my unhappy life.
I think it's melody is falling off key. And hitting all the wrong notes, just to push me away.....Just to show me it's not the same anymore... I can tell her I love her more than anything but after awhile it's like ive gotten used to using the words to make her happy that I don't even feel them anymore. Hearing her saying it to me is like a tape stuck on repeat. I know she's gonna say it but I know it's but a line that crawls out of her mouth....flipping off her tongue as she doesn't even think it say it....
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Could I possibly get to the point where love's rays of sunshine don't even get to my heart. I feel like the titanic.....Sunless ocean area....I can float in the essence of what used to be, but no matter what......That's all I'm gonna be......It hurts....</3
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