Does the world always stop?

<33 i dont know what to say ..

For half the night I was worried....I hated the thought of not seeing your face on my computer screen....or that voice ring inside my head. I smile no matter what. I blush at everything....my mind just wants to think of you all day....and my heart only beats for you....I want this feeling to last forever. I want US to last forever. For nothing in this world to come to a stand still. Pause. Stop. Discontinue. Or even mute! <3 I don't know what else to say...other than......will you PLEASE be my forever? With this one single word......"happiness" everything just ran into place.....it started with a call that turned something like stone into a dimand that shines so bright. No secrets. Even if there are, it makes us wonder what else could make this relationship fly? I love the fact that everyday I learn something new about him.  The cyber smiles and blushes and kisses... no matter what.....I'm always here...for him....and anything more.<3

Could it be??

Maybe this whole time i was looking for the most perfect guy. Surface appearence....i guess i didnt care much about happiness just the thought of being with someone....But now, that ive found someone and we are taking it slow that he actually means alot ot me....He's like one of those prince charmings that only come out when a princess is in distress.....To show her that everything WILL and CAN be okay....That the world isnt so bad. The world wont distroy her everytime she lets her guard down to the wrong person.....To show that looks arent the only thing that a prince charming can give. The charm that makes her smile. His laugh that can fill her heart with happiness. The small stuff that makes her cry with tears of happiness......I never thought that long distance could work but when you actually have someone that is looking for what you are looking for and they can be faithful unlike some of the falsely adverticed. Doesnt matter if a christian is looking or their gods over look. There is no such thing as god......Some people just need something to believe in...and with me i guess it's love && happiness........

How could you??

It was August 4th, 2011. You took my innocence and I never got a "sorry" or "I love you" I got a 3 week supply of false love and cheating. Didn't you ever wonder how it would effect me? Never looked back to see if I could handle the shit you through on me. Or the love I once had for you. You never did love me. I was just another piece of ass that you never bragged about. I cried and couldn't get over you until a over a year later and I was stupid enough to think you would think of me on the day you stole my virginity. And as I stand today you will be my first love but my first and last. I don't wanna fall so hard and fast again and lose something that ment so much to me. I gave it away so fast without thinking about how much it ment to me. I was scared, more like terrified, of being In love. You sweet talked me and told me it would be making love for the first time and still to this day I won't ever say it was a regret. Because deep down in my heart I feel it was a new beginning for me. And one day you'll realize that I ment so much to you.....you'll wonder what I did with my life. Why you ever said such hurtful things and made my life a living hell with all your insults and criticism. </3 I loved you Gage. It was a stupid thing to do..... *-*

Can we all just pick up and continue on?

Sometimes, when I think about how my life could and sometimes should have ended up like, I like to try and make it into that. Confusing is what my life is and it just seems to get worse. I pick up a book and it engulfs me. This character in my book has to deal with her schizophrenic mother who is an artist. Her grandmother hired her not knowing she is a relative. And her best friend is a single teen mother who cant relate and isn't very understanding to how hard it is to take care of her mother. Through out the book it gives you knowledge about schizophrenics........I get so into this book that i feel like i am living her life. I feel like i have to go home and keep my mother from bashing holes in the walls because she is in the middle of an episode and she thinks that the walls are screaming at her to set them free! I think it would sadly be a better life then the shit hole I'm living right now. My real father doesn't talk to me since we've known each other for almost 2 years now. He left when my mother was only 2 months into her pregnancy.........I didn't even get the satisfaction to know my father cared enough to see me the day i was born....December ninth, 1996......The day that changed every ones life because i ended up being the wrong sex and i know deep down inside my mother cried. She tells me she wasnt sad that i turned out to be the opposite gender but i know she would have liked it better if i was a guy. I'm sure everything would have been a lot better off if i was a guy. My father Wess only called to see what gender i was. he didnt care if i had almost killed my mother and myself during her intense hours of labor. he didnt even bother to send cards for birthdays or show his face....My aunt had to send him photos of me. But even though my past is rotten my future is as crisp as a fresh cut apple. Sweet to the tongue and just a bit of sour as it goes down the throat.