Can we all just pick up and continue on?

Sometimes, when I think about how my life could and sometimes should have ended up like, I like to try and make it into that. Confusing is what my life is and it just seems to get worse. I pick up a book and it engulfs me. This character in my book has to deal with her schizophrenic mother who is an artist. Her grandmother hired her not knowing she is a relative. And her best friend is a single teen mother who cant relate and isn't very understanding to how hard it is to take care of her mother. Through out the book it gives you knowledge about schizophrenics........I get so into this book that i feel like i am living her life. I feel like i have to go home and keep my mother from bashing holes in the walls because she is in the middle of an episode and she thinks that the walls are screaming at her to set them free! I think it would sadly be a better life then the shit hole I'm living right now. My real father doesn't talk to me since we've known each other for almost 2 years now. He left when my mother was only 2 months into her pregnancy.........I didn't even get the satisfaction to know my father cared enough to see me the day i was born....December ninth, 1996......The day that changed every ones life because i ended up being the wrong sex and i know deep down inside my mother cried. She tells me she wasnt sad that i turned out to be the opposite gender but i know she would have liked it better if i was a guy. I'm sure everything would have been a lot better off if i was a guy. My father Wess only called to see what gender i was. he didnt care if i had almost killed my mother and myself during her intense hours of labor. he didnt even bother to send cards for birthdays or show his face....My aunt had to send him photos of me. But even though my past is rotten my future is as crisp as a fresh cut apple. Sweet to the tongue and just a bit of sour as it goes down the throat.