My Dream in words from last night....1.30.2013

I kind of want to tell you guys my dream, I feel like I may have a problem or maybe just some werid unconsious way of thinking...Maybe you guys can tell me what it means or what you think it could mean? Alright, well, here goes nothing!
I was in a modern neighborhood, but nice looking and nice taken care of trailers. Not drug dealers kind of neighborhood. Anyways, I was driving, and this is from the point that I remember, and I was supposed to be finding someone I didn't even know or seen! I was driving a pick up truck, I was very reckless, In like a serious rush! I was turning circles in the mud, almost rolling the truck over. But, for some reason, as soon as it was about to flip and start rolling, it would stop and I would be so relieved and I would just brush it off and continue.....But, no matter what happened, I was still in such a big rush and i forgot about everything once it happened....So, I ended up getting mad, from having to drive around the same neighborhood for almost the whole afternoon, and I drove the truck into a house! (Don't question or stop reading this yet!) So, I ran into a house, guessing I knew these people, and I ran up the stairs and right to a guy. He handed me two sharp almost butcher knives and told me to run! But, as I was running he told me to continuiously stab myself in the gut....And, not to stop, never....So, I started to run down the stairs and down the dirt path from their house, and down the road. Stabbing my stomach every few seconds. I could feel it too! So, it's like it was all real....
Then, I stopped running because I was puzzled at why i was running from nothing...Then, with some anger in my mind, I pulled up my shirt sleeves, and started to slit my wrists. I didn't even feel it like i did with the stabbing....I was slitting so it would bleed uncontrolibly, but to where i could see every individual cut....
I woke up.........
~~~~~~~~~If ANYONE that reads this has ANY thoughts or maybe a REASON why I would dream about this....PLEASE comment <3
Information: Yes, I was a cutter, I have Depression, Anxiety and Night Terrors to the MAX!
Thank you Loving Readers/Bloggers!! <33333

I don't know what to say...

It was all good. I was happy, he was home. After three weeks of being gone and then a week into his absence he broke his ankle...I feel terrible, but it was nice that he had to stay out for three weeks, I should never feel like that since we're friends again..But ever since awhile ago, I just feel like evrything is broken....Like nothing can be fixed.. What's wrong with me? Did I do something..?
Was it something I said? Did he feel us fall apart? Instead of fixing it I guess I just let it run and crash....It tears me apart..I don't know how to fix it...Like a broken egg from a mockingbirds nest. It never did anything to the world, yet mother nature thrust her winds upon it and killed it. All the hard work the mother did into bering it and then birthing the egg, and all for mother nature to feel like it wasn't worth all the wait and time..To just kill it and get it over with..Like usual, I'm always the one to feel horrible about me and my step fathers broken relationship..The world has never felt so cruel to me. I know It's probably been worse and I just can't remember it but, really??
I need some answers?
</3

Joshua

I really love this kid. Today us our three weeks and it's been great. we both have lines that accidentally get crossed. But even through that we end up being sorry and saying we don't want to lose each other. It's nice to have. And I'm exited to see what happens with us. How long will we last? Will this spark live on forever in us? Well out never get old? I just hope he's the one to spend awhile of my lonely high school girl life. It's hard without friends and when I'm scared to talk about anything, scared i might hit the wrong button and argue. Josh doesn't seem to carte about the fighting even though he's the one who starts it. Like it's normal to him. ItWears me out and i get so tired...but yes, through it all i love him. He's my everything and more c: i don't ever want to lose him. He makes me feel good like a princess again <3