Change....

Change, something most people dread in their lives. Change can be good, like a house move, a new job a brand new friend....but sometimes the worst kind of change is with your heart. Spending so much time putting so much effort into one person just to have them end up not caring or feeling the same. All the effort and time and emotion that one did, suddenly seems like nothing in matter of seconds.
Its because of time that we all have this happen to us. Time can either tear something apart or strengthen the threads of the bond and love.
And when you get sad, people say "cry it out, it'll make you feel better" I just look at them and respond how could letting tears escape my eyes and roll down my cheeks making it hard to breathe and think make what has happened any better?
And I can promise you, it doesn't.
It makes you think of why you are where you are now, pouring tears onto the surface below your chin just because you trusted someone that wasn't worth it, yet lied and didn't look back twice when the time came to pack up and go....
Love is such a silly thing <3

I dont know how.

I usually don't have a problem. But this time, I feel so repulsed. I can't wrap my head around it. I don't want to think about it. Why would someone claim they love me so much then stop talking to me for so long?! Why would the person that supposedly loves me so much just leave me hanging like a dead limb?? For awhile I just thought it was a test, to see if I had the patients. To see if I was capable of the silence...to see if I could last...I failed. I lash out. I cry. I look through pictures and rack my brain for memories.
I hate tests....

Im tired...

I feel sick.
Tired.
Irrational.
Stepped on.
Drug through the mud
And stomped on...
My days are like years..
My nights are like seconds
Only happiness I get is when I think about going to sleep.
I'm scared that my nightmares might come back sooner or later and ruin that bit of happiness.
I put on a show...I play happiness with a A card.
I am the set of Queens.
I wake up to the thought of loneliness in the halls of 3,000 people. I dress to standout, waiting for someone to notice that I am alive. I am a person. I am bearing feelings inside this lifeless body.
I want to love. But when I do, they want to make it seem like they do then shoot me in the stomach. Making me throw up my guts, forgetting I ever didn't want anything to do with them.
I want to feel love....I want to kiss someones lips for more than 2 months. I want to not be cheated on or hid away.
I want to be alive!